Clash of the Titans Exclamation Point
by PADavis
Summary: Happy Birthday, silver ruffian! AU Oneshot in silver ruffian’s Coyote verse. Coyote and Thor, the Mighty God of Thunder, meet in a certain bar. Rated T for way too many Marvel Comics references, a whole lot of bad language, and Norse god like cursing.


It's November 5th. Happy Birthday, silver ruffian! Yes, it's another AU story of Coyote/Dean, and its crack, and has few redeeming qualities. I hope you enjoy this surprise birthday present. Like my earlier fic, _What's New, Pussycat_, this takes place in Dionysius's bar that silver ruffian introduced in her fic, _Death by Golden Retriever_. And yes, that's Dionysius, the Greek God of wine and spirits.

You really and truly should be familiar with silver ruffian's coyote 'verse to understand this. In an introduction to her latest Coyote fic, silver wrote:

_If you're not familiar with this 'verse, and you haven't read Dog Eat Dog, here's the Reader's Digest version: Once upon a time the trickster God Coyote was lonely, and he went to the Powers That Be for help to get a family. The PTB promptly split Coyote into two: the Trickster half and the human half, Dean Winchester. Coyote has since been adopted by the Winchesters, which also includes John Winchester, whom the boys sprung from Hell._

A/N: Many thanks to my friend Scotia whose brain was and still remains so steeped in all things comics that she can actually improvise Thor speak, and made many many valuable suggestions. She says happy birthday, too!

A/N 2: Thanks as well to windscryer for the red pen of doom beta. And to LiafromBrazil for providing two perfect words of Spanish. And they both say happy birthday!

A/N 3: In case anyone is wondering about the title, the site won't let you add punctuation in the title of a story. But, as we all know, a title like that is crying out for lots of !!!!!!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. I don't own anything Supernatural except some cheesy novels, some cool reference books, and DVDs. As for Marvel, I might have three or four ancient comics from my youth. This is for fun, not for profit.

* * *

The heavy wooden door burst open with a gust of storm scented air. The handle would have punched a new hole in the plaster and lathe behind it, but fortunately the door instead crushed an unwary and very inebriated Pooka. Coyote sniffed the air and turned to watch a dozen or so WWF wannabes swagger through the door.

One ear tilted toward the bar as Dionysius muttered, "This day just keeps getting better and better." Di then raised his voice, and called out, "Norsemen! One of you shut the door."

The huge blonde leading them smiled, revealing snowy white teeth. "Ho, God of wine and spirits, we bring tales of valor and courage. Wilt thou not slake our thirst?"

Di waved them toward the back. "There's a table open."

"Excellent. When I grace thy hall there shall be meat and ambrosia. Much ambrosia!"

"Coming up." Di began setting up tankards. Excitement over, Coyote turned away from the door and took a long pull of beer. His attention remained squarely on the mirror behind the bar as the muscle-bound blonde pushed his way through the crowd, and Coyote winced in sympathy as the big guy knocked over a table, and its contents, on a sad looking pair of Nāgas.

"Move aside, lesser beings. Begone, I say! Dare thou stand between the son of Odin and his reward for this day's great deeds?" Blondie bellied up to the bar, snagged a tankard, drained it, and swung around to face his crowed of followers. He held up another tankard, gulped down the liquid, and shouted, "For I am Thor, the mighty God of Thunder, and these", he waved, "are my bold warband!" He took an incautious step forward, putting his giant boot down hard on Coyote's tail.

Coyote yelped. "Hey! Watch the merchandise, bub." He shouldered the foot off, making the giant stagger, and carefully inspected his tail, growling the whole time.

"What mischief is this—a dog that speaks?" Thor spun back to the bar and addressed Dionysius as he handed the tankards to his men. "Truly, thy spirits are more potent than I recall, godling, for I imagine a dog that speaks. And it dares address Thor, God of Thunder." Thor took a long swallow before turning a disgusted face toward Coyote. "Seek thy place by the hearth, lest I treat your hide as a mat to wipe my boots. Away, I say!" he gestured with his enchanted hammer Mjolnir, causing thunder to rumble overhead, and returned to his men.

Coyote jumped onto a bar stool. "Brother. I thought _I_ had trouble with ambrosia."

Di kept wiping the bar. "You do. _Thor _never destroyed the world."

Affronted, he frowned and raised his shoulders. "I put it back exactly like I found it." After another swig of beer, he said in a conspiratorial whisper, "If I ignore him, do you think he'll go away?"

Thor's outraged voice drowned out any possible reply from Di. "Barkeep, you stoop to speak to this animal? Thou should instead banish him from such worthy company. This creature should be outside, keeping safe his master's flocks, not slinking about the legs of his betters."

Dionysius scowled. "Everyone is welcome here, 'godling'."

Equally outraged, Coyote answered. "Slinking? You oaf, I was sitting at the bar drinking my beer when you stepped on my tail."

"Oaf, sayest thou? Such impudence! Need I remind thee who I am?" The Nordic posse started to laugh and elbow each other. Thor preened and announced, "For am I not Thor…"

The bar patrons raised their voices and said in the bored sing-song of repetition, "The mighty god of thunder". The giant looked around in some confusion.

Coyote gave him a toothy smile. "They wouldn't be so good at that if you'd just shut the fuck up once in a while."

"Avaunt, I say. I fain not allow a mangy cur to stare at my meat whilst I feast."

The mouthful of beer almost choked him. "Your _meat_? I'm not that kind of dog." Coyote snorted and started to laugh. "I fain knock your stupid pigeon winged hat into yonder wall." He waggled his glass at Di and was still laughing when he called out, "Another draft."

"In sooth, I mistook you for a cowardly jackal, but I see now you are naught but a hyena."

At a nearby table, Set raised his hand, his sharp muzzle curled up in snarl. "Hey! What did you say about jackals? I got your jackal right here!"

Thor spun at the interruption and raised his arm. Coyote lost sight of Set as Horus, Sebet, Nut, and Hathor leaned forward to shush him, but Coyote could clearly hear Bast hiss, "Silence. His wrath is as unstoppable as the Nile, but like the mighty river, it waxes and wanes. But he is just a male. And when he's plastered, as he soon will be, he'll forget all about this."

Set sputtered, "Hey, I'm male…" before he was hustled outside as the Egyptian contingent beat a hasty retreat.

Thor swung back to Coyote. "Enough!" He slammed his fist onto the bar, cracking the wood and toppling drinks in both directions. "Outside, foul creature, where Máni's cold regard will…"

Coyote's eyes flared golden, and the coyote was replaced by a handsome young man with spiky dark blonde hair and the same green eyes and long lashes of the canid. "For fuck's sake, I have as much right to be here as you. More right, actually, since unlike you, I'm not an asshole. But if it will make you shut the hell up, I'll go human." The man took a long pull of beer. "Besides, I don't get my muzzle wet this way."

There was some laughter from down the bar, and one voice in particular caught Coyote's attention. It and the body it was attached to were all too familiar in that annoying thorn-in-my-side way. The newcomer coughed 'Trickster' loudly into his hand. Coyote rolled his eyes and pointed him out to Dionysius. "Did you know Loki was here?"

Di shrugged and started putting the glassware under the bar.

"What manner of fiend art thou?" A hand the size of a side of ham clamped down on Coyote's shoulder. "A shapeshifter? Of course! You are my scheming brother, Loki, God of Mischief, in disguise!"

Loki's familiar whiny voice drifted over the crowd. "You tell him, Thor."

Eyes flashing golden again, Coyote snarled. "I'm not Loki, you moron."

Thor's eyes widened. "This is indeed a warrior's semblance—you appear alike enough to be Baldur's brother. But truly, the essence of an honest man lies far beyond the grasp of your trickery. Your plots are engendered in deception and as such unable to rise from dishonesty and perfidy. It shall avail thee naught, Loki. The time for these diversions is past. For the last time, blood of my father, you have no place at any celebration of bravery and honor. Begone!"

His friends, who had been drinking steadily, cheered drunkenly from their table.

Dionysius leaned forward, looking Coyote straight in the eyes. "Anything gets broken, you pay for it."

"What?! Di, that is totally unfair."

Loki's voice appeared to come from behind Thor this time. "Share with us the tale of your noble exploits, God of Thunder, so that we might know the cause of this celebration."

Coyote blinked and turned to look at Thor expectantly.

"I didst this day hunt the Midgard serpent!" Another roar of drunken approval from the table of huge blonde Asgardians.

Loki shouted, this time his voice appeared to come from the door. "Did you find it?"

Thor turned to look, but didn't find his interrogator. "No, he eludes me still. The snake is wise beyond its species and rightly fears the might of my arm and the mighty Mjolnir!" He threw his right arm and hammer up, accidentally striking a crossbeam. Thunder rolled overhead, and a drift of plaster fell from a crack in the ceiling.

Coyote pointed, "I'm not paying for that!"

Dionysius ignored him. "Thor, do NOT destroy my bar! Leave the other patrons alone and go sit down. Your food will be right up."

Thor swaggered to his table. "Where are thy serving wenches? Where is my meat? My mead? Hie them hence to my brave companions at once else my ire bring destruction down about thy heads."

A stream of servers emerged from the kitchen bearing platters of steaming food and more tankards. One of the them, a nubile young lass, swung herself into Thor's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hello, big boy. Oh, what mighty thews you have!" She ran her hands lasciviously over his biceps and tossed her dark blonde hair over one shoulder.

Thor wrapped an arm around her slim waist and kissed her loudly on the lips. "And a skilled lover as well. You have chosen well."

She simpered, batting long lashes over bright green eyes. "And modest, are you not?"

"I am known far and wide for my modesty. Indeed, my modesty is a thing of legend. Heed you, my fellow gods—this wench is wise beyond her tender years. Tell me, fair maid, what is thy name?"

With a wave of a hand, she promptly transformed into a grinning, broad shouldered, green eyed man. "Guess."

Thor pushed back from the table. "By the Flames of Surter!"

Coyote smirked, this time wrapping muscular arms around Thor's neck, forcing his chin toward his chest. "You really are a Norwegian numbskull. A Scandinavian scumbag. Cheese Danish. Finnish fuckwit." He lifted Thor's helmet, planted a noisy kiss on the top of his head, and stood.

The gang at the table stood, knocking chairs over in their haste. Thor held up a hand and silence fell. Except for the grunts from one man who'd gotten so worked up, he was biting his own arm. Thor called to him, "Hagbard! Quit with the berserker stuff." He turned to Coyote, fire in his eyes. "You besmirch our family. I am _Asgardian_."

Loki's voice shouted from near the kitchen. "Asgardian asshole you mean! You tell him, Coyote."

Coyote had had enough. "Loki, will you shut the hell up?" Looking back at Thor, he growled, "Look, you semi-divine ox. I'm not your brother. I'm the First Artist. God's Dog. The Trickster, Coyote." His eyes started to glow. "I created our world, and destroyed it. I was ancient when Odin lost his eye." He grew larger, lightening flashing in his eyes. "Leave me be, pup, or I'll school you with a rolled up newspaper." One appeared in his hand, and he smacked it into the opposite palm. "Sunday New York Times with _all_ the inserts. You still want to take a shot at me?"

There was a mad scramble around them when Thor stood. A voice called out, "Five thousand True Believers says Coyote will kick Thor's ass." Loki's voice shouted out, "Five hundred quatloos on the newcomer!"

Thor smiled, eyes hard. "I shall do battle, Trickster. Mjolnir has never been defeated." He raised the hammer, causing a harried looking Pales, a Roman god of sheep and shepherds, to bleat and wet itself.

Coyote on the other hand shook his head and checked his headspace. He normally only came here by himself when Dean was asleep, but those opportunities were getting rarer and rarer. The two of them, once separate in mind, then in mind and body, were merging again, one into the other, with Dean, the human of the pair, taking on more and more of the Trickster mantle. He rarely slept anymore. The boy also didn't like to go to Dionysius's bar without bringing the rest of the family, and John at the bar… that was never a success.

And besides, the longer Coyote was at the bar, the more he wanted the boy with him. Turns out Coyote hated to be alone, too. He found Dean in the Impala with Sam.

"_Niño, I might have something you would enjoy."_

* * *

"Hit me, Old Man." Sam's eyebrows went up when he heard Dean speak. Dean held up a hand. "Where—oh, at the bar. Whatever you are doing better not involve Cerberus or ambrosia."

Coyote could hear Sam start to laugh, then watched as his eyes latched on to Dean's. "He's at _the_ bar? Can we go?"

"Sam's coming." Dean considered for a moment. "And yeah, we'll leave John here." Sam grinned and made an exaggerated thumbs up gesture. "Need to drop my baby at the motel. Hang on, Sam."

When they appeared a few moments later, Dean slipped seamlessly into Coyote's version of themselves, while Coyote slipped back into his fur. Dean was saying, "No, you can't have ambrosia. It's a god thing. And remember what happened last time with Dad. Now those religious nuts really think you're the Antichrist." He looked up several inches at a really pissed off blonde giant. With a honking big hammer. He pulled his personal giant, Sam, behind him and stepped forward.

"Thor?" He glanced back at Sam, grinning. "It's _Thor_. He looks exactly like the comic." Wiggling fingers near his ears. "Got the little wings and everything." Dean turned, bringing his head back and up, just as Mjolnir connected with his temple. A few seconds later, his back and head connected with a wall, and then, whoa, little black spots.

He woke up to a roar of noise and confusion, a blurry look at Sam's worried face, and Coyote's long muzzle. His ears were ringing, but even over that he could hear someone shouting.

"Ho, coward. Bring you reinforcements? Your treachery will avail you naught. I will be victorious no matter the shapes you assume, for am I not Thor, the God of Thunder?"

Sam punched Dean's arm. "Did you hear that? He really talks like that."

"I'm glad you're excited about this, Sam. You meeting Thor is certainly worth me on the floor with a hammer sized dent in my head."

Dean pushed back against the wall and righted himself, Sam holding one arm until he was steady. His eyes didn't want to focus, but the long haired blonde was big enough for him to make out. His head was killing him. "Ow. Really. Ow."

Sam dropped his shaggy head down to try to catch his attention. "Dude, can you even see me? How many fingers am I holding up?"

Dean groaned and held a hand to his head. "He sucker punched me." Without turning his head, he addressed the furry member of the group. "Keep Sam out of this." Before his brother could protest, Coyote shoved into Sam's knees, knocking him back, and Dean looked in what he hoped was their direction. "Watch this."

Rolling his shoulders, Dean started forward, morphing as he moved, hair darkening and growing into peaks as his body grew taller and broader. He brought both hands to shoulder height and grinned as long adamantium blades arched out over his knuckles.

Sam piped up behind him, "Come on, the _movie_ Wolverine? What happened to Batman?"

"Not supercharged enough. Besides, wrong milieu. He's DC. This is all Marvel." He still couldn't focus, but he cocked an eyebrow as he stopped up to in front of Thor, and drawled, "You got a beef with me, bub?"

"What monstrous shape dost thou choose now? Art thou afraid to face me in human shape?"

Dean was engrossed, looking at his claws from the front and back, only glancing at his opponent. "Afraid to face me without the ball peen there, big boy?"

"Ball peen?" Enraged, Thor swung his hammer aloft. "Oh craven foe. Mjolnir was forged by the master-craftsman, Eitri the Dwarf, and given to my hand by Odin All-Father. Only the most worthy may wield it in battle…"

"Look, Hulk Hogan, do you want to fight or are you going to saga me to death?"

In answer, Thor swung Mjolnir and staggered when his opponent caught the hammer with one hand, stepped inside his reach, and brought the razor sharp blades on the other hand snug up against his Adam's apple.

Dean held it for a count of five, then stepped back and withdrew the claws. "Enough?"

Thor growled, rubbing his throat. "I say thee nay! The honor of Asgard must be preserved. Fight without claws, Trickster."

Dean snapped his fingers and Thor's posse vanished. "Now it's just us." He snapped his fingers again and was instantly clad in bright red and gold armor. He pointed at Mjolnir, his voice sounding almost mechanical through the helmet. "I'll get rid of the toys when you fight without the magic hammer, sonny." Dean fired up the suit and hovered a few feet off the floor, balanced on the repulsors built into the boots. He triggered the missile launcher array in the shoulder armature and locked several projectiles onto Thor. "I always wanted to know if Iron Man could take you."

Loki laughed out loud and shouted, "No blasters! No blasters!"

Thor glared in Loki's direction. "I will deal with you later, son of my father." Glaring at Dean, he shouted over the roar of the suit, "Am I to fight a man of metal or a man of flesh and blood?"

Dean dropped down, armor gone, once again in torn jeans, a henley, and his leather jacket. He shrugged the collar up, and caught Thor's eye. "This time I'll say it slowly. I'm not a dog." He waved at Mjolnir and a hammer-shaped helium balloon with little green coyotes printed on it angled up and bounced against the ceiling. "I'm not made of flesh and blood." He pointed at Thor's helmet and it disappeared, reappearing on Sam's head. "And I'm not human."

He gestured again and the mighty God of Thunder was suspended upside down from the ceiling. "Got any spare change?" Thor was jerked up and down a few times, arms flailing. A condom and a package of Juicy Fruit gum fell out of his pockets and onto the floor.

Dean eased down on his haunches to bring his eyes level with Thor's. He smiled toothily around a piece of gum. "Let's call this over. You can buy me and my brother a drink. Deal?"

Red-faced, huffing, Thor made a token grab for him but subsided. "Glad am I that my men didst not see… I shall not bow to…" He ground out. "Deal." A nod and Thor was sprawled on the floor, Mjolnir, once again solid, dropped on his head.

"Great. I'll order." Dean winked before walking to the bar.

* * *

Helmet slightly askew, Thor morosely chewed a chunk of pineapple and contemplated the tiny umbrella in his drink. "I would you had not ordered this drink for me."

Dean leaned over and slapped him on the back. "Why not? You must like them—you've had five by now? Six?" He grinned and toasted him with a glass of Jack. Or Jim. He'd had five or six himself. "Mai tais are _good_. How much fruit do you get up in Asgard anyway?"

That got a rueful smile from the Thunder god. "More than thou mightest think. Many months at sea in close quarters with only lusty warriors…"

Sam laughed so hard he started to cough. Coyote took his muzzle out of a glass of ambrosia and watched Dean thump his brother's back enthusiastically. "Told you not to order that girlie drink, _caro hermanito_."

"Dean, quit!" Sam stood and pushed Dean back in his seat. "The mighty god of thunder is drinking these. By definition, it's not a girly drink."

"Wouldst that thou spoke the truth, young warrior. My doughty band will look askance at," he picked out a bright red object, "a maraschino cherry." He popped it in his mouth and pushed the empty glass in front of Sam. "Speaking of my band, wouldst thou return them?"

Dean stood up and stopped Sam from ordering another drink. "Sure. Let us get out of here, and you can spin whatever story you want."

"I will tell the truth, Trickster, about all but the mai tais. There is no dishonor in being bested by a worthy opponent, however glad I am that they did not witness the manner of it."

Dean reached out to shake his hand before turning back to Coyote. "C'mon, Furface, let's blow this joint."

* * *

John and Bobby pelted through the salvage yard following a trail of slagged junkers, explosions, and an ear splitting whining noise. Rounding a corner, they skidded to a stop, eyes drawn first to the sight above them, then down to Dean and Coyote.

John scowled and waved toward the spectacle over his head. "Is that who I think it is?"

Coyote growled, "I told him it might not be the best idea."

John frowned down at him. "Oh, so this is Dean's fault?" He ruefully and somewhat guiltily watched Coyote position himself behind Dean, and keep a wary green eye on 'Dad' from behind Dean's knee. John took a deep breath and calmed himself the fuck down. "Just tell me—is he in danger?"

"No. Of course he's not in danger." Someone other than John might have seen affronted innocence on Dean's face. John saw the grin lurking in those green eyes. "He's Iron Man!"

Sam shouted out from above their heads. "Dad! Bobby! You've got to try this!" Sam took another loop around the salvage yard, red and gold armor flashing in the afternoon sun, before making a rough landing, reducing even more junked cars to pools of steaming metal.

Bobby glared at him. "Could you do a little _more_ damage, Sam?"

Sam was oblivious. "It has 'repulsor' thingies in the boots and gloves, and missiles, and it's _incredible_." He didn't stop talking as the suit disappeared and was replaced by his street clothes. "Dean was Wolverine first, then Iron Man. And we met Thor and drank mai tais…"

Dean spoke out of the corner of his mouth, "Ixnay on the ar-bay alk-tay, Am-say."

An involuntary snort brought Dean's attention to him. John felt himself starting to grin. Dean's shoulders relaxed, and Coyote moved out in the open.

"Still you should have seen it. He's already been Batman and Superman." Sam's eyebrows went up and he fixed a pleading look at his brother. "Dean. Do Captain America!"

Dean barked out a laugh. "No freaking way. Wings on my head? Not a good look." He pulled Sam by his biceps and steered him past John and Bobby, Coyote trotting at their heels. "Sorry, Bobby, I'll fix it up." Dean turned his attention back to Sam, "We could go to New York. You'll be Spider-Man and I'll be… Doctor Octopus! I loved how he climbed around on those eight arms in the movie."

"Can I be Daredevil afterwards—without the being blind part?"

John waited a moment then followed after them, just close enough to eavesdrop.

"Sure. I'll be the Human Torch. No, the _Thing_! You're skinny enough to be Mr. Fantastic."

John could hear the eye roll when Sam replied, "Yeah, and you're probably just smart enough to yell 'It's clobbering time.'"

"Do you really _want_ to be Invisible Girl?"

"No, Dean, I don't. You could be Silver Surfer."

"Silver Surfer? For that, bitch, you'll be _mute_ Invisible Girl." Dean's voice dropped and John had to speed up to hear the next line. "And Dad's going to be Dr. Strange. Think he'd like that?"

"Nah, Bobby is Dr. Strange."

"You're absolutely right. Do you think Dad would like to wear an eye patch?"

John rumbled into Dean's ear, "Nick Fury?" He loved how he could still make each of his sons jump. "Good weapons but shit depth perception. I'd prefer something a little more powerful."

Dean looked down and scuffed his boot. "How much more powerful is a little?"

"Let's just say, you don't want to make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Dean leaned his head back and roared with laughter. "The Hulk? That's freakin' perfect."

* * *

_Caro hermanito = '_dear' little brother, the dear being a bit sarcastic.

A/N 4: I do have some canon fics in the works, promise! An auction fic for the lovely nana56, and two one shots written in tandem with Mad Server, Enkidu07, and Soncnica. All coming soon.

A/N 'I'm getting as bad as Terry': While this fic abounds with Marvel references—please note the use of 'True Believers'—there is also a quote from Star Wars (you young'uns call that Episode IV: A New Hope) and a quote from a particularly poor episode of the original Star Trek television series.


End file.
